Sunday, December 04, 2005

I had too much to dream last night

I just like that phrase. I heard it today on Radio Paradise. It is the title of someone's new album.

Every day pulls me farther away from the good dream I was having. If I spend much more time here I'll become fully conscious again and unable to pick it up where I left off. I have been home five days organizing details for the trip back to Loreto. I've had to prepare our vehicle for travel, have the puppy spayed, build a system for paying our household bills, bring our office up to date and ready to run without me, shop for items we need in Mexico, shop for supplies we need at work, think about Christmas gifts, leaf removal, cable cut-off, cell-phone plans, travel itineraries, pack up the computer, modem, speakers, printer, television, satellite dish, telescope, golf clubs, tennis racquets, toys, books, kitchen-ware. We're bringing all our stuff we can't live without to Mexico. I know it sounds overbearing, but it is a long time we'll be away. We need our stuff to stay in touch a little with the rest of the world and to provide a little entertainment.

Meanwhile, Allison caught up with friends and cousins and aunts. The boys came back from college to visit and to celebrate Ryan's birthday bringing our house back to life again with boys coming and going and lots of laughter and noise. The house was fully illuminated again, every lamp and recessed light burning away the earth's resources. The furnace roared and water surged almost continously though the pipes while the laundry room vibrated with the washer and dryer working overtime. Ryan played his guitar with his friends in the family room, and I buzzed about to Radio Paradise in the kitchen preparing a dinner as far removed from Mexican cuisine as possible followed by a store-bought sugar-laden sheet cake iced in chocolate with the phrase, "Happy Birthday Ryan" in blue goo. This evening brought me such a sense of well-being, that all is right in my little world. I'm happiest when my house is buzzing with the energy of people I love, all together, laughing. I know when it's good.

Robert is on his own in Loreto. He says after a lull there's now progress on our house (the house we are building there.) He walked through it yesterday. I don't want to leave him too long so I'll start driving next Sunday and meet up with him in Albuquerque to finish the drive to Los Angeles then to Disneyland for a few days then the tedious drive down the Baja with a stop at Sam's Club in Tijuana for food and goods. It sounds so crazy, but that's the plan. Our biggest concern is getting through the border with our vehicle loaded with goods. I can't find a definitive answer about any detail of the crossing. We'll just do our best to have paperwork in order.

I have not even turned on the television nor read a newspaper in a month. I did notice the cover of a Time magazine in my mail pile that read in bold red letters: "AMBITION" which provoked in me an instant surge of anxiety as if I'd suddenly remembered something critically important. The printed word, ambition, is anxiety-provoking enough without it having to be printed in bright blood red. "Do I have enough?" "Does somebody have more?" Some scientists have studied and separated the alphas from the betas in American society. The alphas gobble up more than their share of available resources. Everybody knows the rest of the story. On the way out the door Ryan asked me for an idea for a persuasive topic for his speech class. I tossed him the magazine. He can argue that it's my motherly instinct to impress ambition upon my offspring to ensure their climb to elevated status. The scientists said so. Actually, they say that mothers who devote their lives to their children are the most ambitious creatures of all because their ambition is far-reaching. They work for the future of their lineage. So I can relax again knowing that as an ambitious American I rank at the top.

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