Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Guess what's for dinner

I am new to blogging so I'll probably post everyday until the novelty wears off. I hope not because discovering blogging and reading others blogs has totally absorbed me. What a huge world of personal thoughts riding on this magical cyber-carpet. It is a fascinating time to be alive.

My daughter slept in till around eleven. I think it helped because yesterday's fever seems to have disappeared. We both had our hair trimmed at Ginger's Hair Shanty. Seriously, that's the name! Mary Kay is our hairdresser. We then ran to our office (our family business) to do a few things. As usual, I had her run things to her dad to sign and she sweetly requested 75 cents from our manager, Alan, for a bottled water from the vending machine. She's getting familiar with vending machines as she and I have plans to purchase our own snack machine as a business venture. We will stock and maintain it and save all our profits for....hmmm....whatever we want!

The book purchases yesterday were a good thing. She could not wait to get home and read the true story of Pocahontas. Afterwards, she pretended to be an Indian learning to shoot a bow and arrow. Then she replicated a table-setting on the floor for eight. At each setting was placed a stuffed animal. Not as guests, but as dinner! This reality of animals eating people has gotten under her skin. I take tonight's exhibition as proof of a break-through in her thinking. Instead of being afraid of being eaten she has chosen to be the eater! Interesting, watching her process her particular fear. She invented a little ritual to help herself cope. It makes me think that the power of the ritual is indeed primal. So today, she taught me.

As I was writing this I needed to take a quick break. I walked through the living room to be startled by my daughter laying like a corpse on the floor. She often asks to be near me at night when I'm usually on the computer. Sometimes I let her camp out on the sofa near my study, but lately I've tried to be more hard-core and insist she stay in bed. When I saw her on the floor I scolded her and she dissolved into tears. Something is troubling this little girl and I recognize it clearly because I remember the feeling. She is trying to understand death. I don't like this at all as I have no happy answers for her.

We sat on the sofa and I listened to her weep and express her fear that something might happen to me. How heartbreaking. I assured her with the usual, "we are safe, I am smart, Daddy is strong, God and your big brother Ian are looking over us", but she debates me and it blows me away the hidden philosophies she's developing. In the end all I can do is promise I will never leave her and distract her with the fun little things we will do tomorrow. We shall bake a cake we decide. Not cookies, she doesn't like the crispy corners. Tomorrow we'll shop for pumpkins. Tomorrow we'll read about dolphins. Tomorrow is the best word in the dictionary. Everything is always better tomorrow.

No comments: